I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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