The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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