Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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