I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
