Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
