It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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