To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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