great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
