I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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