Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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