We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
