Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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