There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
