everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
