Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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