I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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