i think i have two assholes
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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