summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.