Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me

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  (716): I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me http://tfl.nu/kh9w
  Replies (11) Good night (681) Bad night (4340)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves

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  (407): So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves http://tfl.nu/mggy
  Replies (20) Good night (6148) Bad night (1327)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.

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  (713): I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now. http://tfl.nu/lp4s
  Replies (34) Good night (1904) Bad night (4429)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.

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  (202): i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day. http://tfl.nu/yh3a
  Replies (21) Good night (9967) Bad night (927)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk

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  (407): Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk http://tfl.nu/aifa
  Replies (14) Good night (5378) Bad night (1247)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?

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  (206): Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right? http://tfl.nu/ikqz
  Replies (14) Good night (892) Bad night (5323)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax

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  (630): This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax http://tfl.nu/k33t
  Replies (3) Good night (1537) Bad night (778)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?

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  (469): Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened? http://tfl.nu/ksd8
  Replies (12) Good night (725) Bad night (1900)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.

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  (484): He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now. http://tfl.nu/asj4
  Replies (8) Good night (947) Bad night (1291)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.

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  (847): The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one. http://tfl.nu/8fpw
  Replies (2) Good night (804) Bad night (412)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?

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  (250): anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you. (1-250): ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine? http://tfl.nu/1018
  Replies (2) Good night (467) Bad night (661)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.

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  (917): The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad. http://tfl.nu/oau9
  Replies (8) Good night (433) Bad night (662)
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  (845): View more from New York

  How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother

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  (845): How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother http://tfl.nu/c9gy
  Replies (13) Good night (572) Bad night (411)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers

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  (412): I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers http://tfl.nu/enl0
  Replies (2) Good night (732) Bad night (333)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?

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  (816): so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet? http://tfl.nu/ne2f
  Replies (2) Good night (596) Bad night (301)

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