um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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