Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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