I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
