Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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