Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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