i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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