I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
