you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
