so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is Oprah even human
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
