grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Randomize
