She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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