i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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