I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
