Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
