Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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