Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
