first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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