Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
