omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
