Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
