at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
