its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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