Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
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How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?