Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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