Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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