i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
