I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
