youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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