i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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