Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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