I smell stomach acid.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
