you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
