I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
