we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
