If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
