the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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