I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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