Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
birth control should be required to get into college
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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