You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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