I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
