if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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