babies were throwing up all over the place
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
