Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
