I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
