did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
