I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
