i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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