first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
