Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
