You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
