drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
