so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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