If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
