How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
