I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
