either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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