4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
