So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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