oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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