my mouth tastes like poor choices
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm always down for nudity.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
