Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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