dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
