found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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