If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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